Becoming parents is one of the most incredible journeys a couple can take. Suddenly, your world is filled with tiny socks, endless cuddles, and a love so fierce it takes your breath away. But let’s be real: it’s also filled with sleepless nights, mountains of diapers, and a schedule that revolves entirely around a tiny human. What about the romance that got you here in the first place?

It's easy for your couple identity to get a little lost when your new titles are "Mom" and "Dad." The spontaneous dates and long, uninterrupted conversations can feel like a distant memory. But nurturing your relationship isn't a luxury; it's a vital part of a happy, healthy family. So, how do you keep that connection strong amidst the beautiful chaos of parenthood?

1. Schedule Your "We" Time

Spontaneity might be off the table for a while, and that’s okay. The solution? Get your calendars out. Scheduling date nights—or even date afternoons—is a total game-changer. It doesn’t have to be a fancy, expensive dinner. It can be a walk in the park, grabbing a coffee together, or even just an hour of uninterrupted time at home after the kids are asleep.

The key is to make it a non-negotiable appointment. This act alone sends a powerful message to both of you: our relationship is a priority.

  • Book a recurring babysitter: Even if it’s just once a month, having someone you trust means you’re more likely to commit to couple time.
  • Home date nights: If going out isn’t possible, plan a themed evening at home. Think living room picnics, movie marathons, or cooking a new recipe together after bedtime.
  • Day dates: If your schedules allow (and the kids are in daycare or school), try a lunch date or an early-morning coffee run, just the two of you.

2. Find Connection in the Small Moments

Grand romantic gestures are great, but the day-to-day connection is what truly sustains a relationship. The post-baby phase is all about finding romance in the little things.

  • A real hug: Not just a quick squeeze on the way out the door, but a full, ten-second hug. It’s amazing what that can do for your connection.
  • A thoughtful compliment: Notice something you appreciate about your partner. "You are such a natural at this" or "Thank you for handling that diaper explosion" can mean the world.
  • A knowing glance: A simple look across the room that says, "I see you, and we're in this together."
  • Leave notes: Sneak a sweet or silly note into your partner’s bag, lunch, or even taped to the bathroom mirror.
  • Team up on bedtime: Get the kids ready for bed together—tackling this as a duo leaves more energy for connection once the little ones are asleep.

These small moments are like deposits into your relationship bank account. They add up.

3. Share the Load, Not Just the Love

Nothing kills the mood faster than feeling like you’re doing everything yourself. Parenthood is a team sport. Sharing the mental and physical load of childcare and household chores is one of the most romantic things you can do.

When you work together, it fosters a sense of partnership and fairness. It frees up mental space and energy, which, surprise, are pretty essential for feeling romantic. So, talk openly about dividing tasks and check in with each other regularly to make sure the balance feels right.

  • Divide and conquer: Make a list of regular responsibilities and rotate them every now and then. Sometimes just switching things up can help both partners appreciate the work involved.
  • Check-in chats: Set aside time each week to talk about what’s working and what’s feeling overwhelming. It can prevent resentment from building up.
  • Plan ahead together: Meal prepping or mapping out the week’s logistics as a team can lighten everyone’s load and leave more room for fun.

4. Express Appreciation Out Loud

When you're exhausted, it's easy to focus on what's not getting done. Make a conscious effort to notice and thank your partner for their contributions, big and small.

Saying "thank you" for a changed diaper, a made dinner, or handling a middle-of-the-night wakeup shows that you see their effort. Feeling seen and appreciated is a direct path to feeling loved and connected.

  • Give a shoutout: Make appreciation part of your daily routine—maybe at dinner or before bed, each of you shares one thing the other did that day that made your life easier or brighter.
  • Brag about your partner: Compliment them in front of the kids, or tell a friend something you admire about your spouse—bonus points if your partner overhears!

5. Talk About Something—Anything—Besides the Kids

Do you ever get to the end of the day and realize your only conversations were about feeding schedules and developmental milestones? It happens to the best of us.

Make a point to ask about your partner's day, their thoughts, or something you read that you found interesting. Reconnecting with the person you fell in love with—not just your co-parent—is crucial. Carve out ten minutes before bed to put your phones down and just talk like you used to.

  • Play conversation games: Try a deck of question cards or look up “couple questions” online for a fun way to spark new conversations.
  • Share a podcast or show: Listen to a new podcast together or start a show only the two of you watch, and save some time to discuss it.
  • Dream together: Talk about your future—a dream vacation, new family traditions, or personal goals outside of parenting.

Bonus Tips for Keeping the Romance Alive

  • Celebrate little wins: Survived a rough week? Toast to it—even if it’s just with sparkling water on the couch.
  • Plan getaways: If possible, organize an occasional overnight trip together—just one night away can feel like a vacation.
  • Prioritize self-care: Taking care of yourselves individually helps you show up better as a couple. Encourage each other to take solo time when needed.
  • Don’t be afraid to ask for help: Whether from family, friends, or a babysitter, accepting support can give you more breathing room as a couple.